Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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