are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
