like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
