Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
