i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize