They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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