somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
