if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
