there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
