My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
