I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
