i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I deserve this hangover.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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