Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
