1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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