Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I understand Curling. That high.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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