pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
