When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
