Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
