I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
