i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
