ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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