But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
