He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
