we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
