you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
