Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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