I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
