Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
