idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
