Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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