If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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