I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
