do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
