well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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