***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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