The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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