I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I enjoy the company of your penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
