I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
