I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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