Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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