My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
