I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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