I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my being single is dangerous.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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