Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
