I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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