Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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