he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
