even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
