Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
