her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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