A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
