i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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