I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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