mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize