I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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