Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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