You really coming over, don't trick.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
