Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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