i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
